QUIT PULLING ME DOWN, CRAB!
I was barely a year in Hong Kong when I met a fellow ‘pinay’ on board a bus. On a twenty-minute ride to Central, she lamented her four-month ordeal on the job. The biggest thorn on the side? Another ‘pinay’ co-worker. My heart went out to her. We were on the same boat then. I wonder what happened to her. I hope she got through as I did. It happened five years ago… I stayed that long on that job, with the same co-worker, but on a much better situation than before. My co-worker and I got along pretty well. We gained each other’s trust and respect. We understood each other’s idiosyncracies. When she snaps, I back out. When I snap, she backs out. Sometimes we just know when to shut up or speak up. Yet there are times we don’t. But we always get through. No matter how I piss her off or how she pisses me off, the love and concern for each other is there. We don’t always have to like the people we love, do we? That goes as well with the members of our family, our friends, employers, and anyone close to our heart.
Why is it that instead of supporting our own kind, some of us end up being an additional burden? Being older and longer in the job doesn’t give one the right to demean and boss-around a new worker. Instead of lifting someone up, we choose to put her down. It holds true with the way we treat other people we know. Instead of being happy and proud of someone’s accomplishment, we spit negative criticisms. If a congratulatory remark is ever given, it’s laced with sarcasm. The sort of people who practice these things may be eaten up with envy and jealousy, the green-eyed monsters. It drag down someone’s ascent on the ladder of success. The mentality of a crab…
Coworkers not getting along well is a common problem in Hong Kong. There are employers who tend to take sides — usually the older worker’s or the one who speaks Chinese better since she can defend and explain herself in the employer’s dialect. Pre-mature termination of contract due to workers’ quarrel is not unusual here. Others have the patience and tolerance to work through the duration of the contract or even longer.
How do we deal with a difficult coworker? My big boss’ advice was: Ignore her. Focus on your work. The advice works, but not all the time. You cannot just ignore an elephant in a room, especially when it’s shoving its trunk on your face! Apparent and constant rudeness is something you just cannot let go easily. We’re only human, angered by such treatment. It takes a lot of sheer willpower to keep your emotions under control and not blow up.
Confrontation won’t work on someone whose mind and heart are closed. No amount of talking-to can change an old cow’s attitude or penetrate a one-track mind. It’s futile to communicate with one too proud. Cease talk is my way.
When you’re forced to dine together, faces just inches apart, and the loudmouth’s on the phone while eating with you — sprinkling saliva on the food, eat as fast and as much as you can before she realize there’s almost nothing left for her. Bad for digestion but you’ll be teaching her a lesson. If she’s too dense, she won’t get the message.
Just when you think you have peace and quiet after a hard day’s work, there goes the loud mouth on the phone again, talking non-sense to her friends. Plug that earphone into your pretty little ears and listen to a lively music — something to muffle the irritating voice you’re hearing. Or do something constructive — read, write, hum to yourself, just to quieten the fast drumming of your agitated heart brought about by the blabbermouth.
There’s a perfect ingredient to ruin a beautiful morning — a sour-faced housemate. When you’re subjected to it, make it a point not to look at her face. Don’t look at her at all. Back view, side view, whichever angle — don’t! Otherwise, you’re doomed the rest of the day. It’ll put you in a black mood, too.
Being angry is enervating. It will sap you out of energy, crumple your pretty face, add lines on your forehead, inflate your nostrils…make you look like a gorilla, alienating everyone whom you cross paths with. Leave the sour-faced mammal alone. It’s just a moment, it will pass. Everyone goes through a black mood. Give her space, keep your distance for awhile. It won’t ever do any good if you join her in that state and be angry, too. If we all subscribe to the philosophy of “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”, the whole world will be blind and toothless…that was what Mahatma Gandhi said. What we all need is empathy and understanding. You can sweeten the mood. If the cranky fellow loves to eat smelly ‘tofu’ (bean curd) dipped in chili powder (that’s yummy!), include that in your menu for the day; if she loves durian, buy for her; if she loves yellow mini-skirt, find her one. The thing is, you’re reaching out, regardless of how you’re being treated. I’m not asking you to be a doormat, and let someone trample all over you, insult you, and throw dirt on your face. Oh no, that’s a far different thing.
Well, you know when you should stand up for yourself. If you have faith in yourself, nobody — not even a darn crab, can ever put you down. But if it does happen and you find yourself at the bottom, just like a cork in the ocean, you will certainly find your way to the surface again.
*published in The Filipino Now International Magazine (March 2007 issue)
