Leaving A Trail

“You aren’t being paid for that?!”,  exclaimed someone in disbelief when I said I don’t get money from writing.  She wrinkled her nose in disdain. This is the sort of person I wouldn’t think twice on staying away from.  A set of shallow perspective is already deeply embedded in that little brain.  It’s pointless to bang your head on a brick wall.  You may as well turn away –saves your energy… and sanity!

Some people find it hard to believe that you do something without expecting anything in return…  You do “it” simply because you want to do it, you like the moment of doing it, you absolutely love doing it, you know you’re fulfilling your life’s purpose by doing it, or… “it” gives you life by merely doing “it”.  Simply put — you find joy in doing it… so you do what you do and give whatever you can possibly give.  I’m not saving my best dance for last… I do my best dance, I dance my way through life. It doesn’t matter if I’m not in-synch with everybody’s music.  Heck!  I dance to the beat of my own drummer.  I might fall flat on my ass but I’d dust myself off, shake off the grit, and get on my best dancing feet again!  ;)  Whenever the music moves me, I won’t sit it out.  I’d dance!

I do rebel against a whole lot of things. (I wouldn’t have anything to write about if I don’t, do I?)   Writing just anchors me.  When I see my thoughts on paper/onscreen, things would start to make sense (I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense to you.  I write for myself ;)  heh! heh!  My sense of balance is restored, I get re-connected to my core, I reach out… and connect to you.  And get swatted like a fly, too, when I get harsh criticism on what I write (remember my worst critic?).  The sting subsides, it doesn’t kill me.  It smoothens my rough edges, not sharpen it. There’s always a risk in creation.  You put your heart on the line, make yourself an easy target.  The heck with that!  I am taking that leap of faith… I trust… My eyes aren’t shut, I feel that my heart’s where it should be (chestpains kick in;), my mind must be muddled but I’m certain everything makes sense (to me, at least!)   So this is “it”, baby!

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