Leaving A Trail

Ai J,  your greatest flaw is not knowing where to draw the line.  You extricate yourself from a situation only when you realized the woman had already fallen for you.  Too late.  In your intent to be of help you end up being the problem, making her sink deeper into depression.  Instead of having just to deal with the original problem, she’s now got to deal with her feelings for you, too.  You allowed her to become emotionally dependent on you.

How would you feel when after a passionate foreplay you’re bare naked and ready but then your partner suddenly walked out on you.  What better analogy can I give you than this for you to realize the emotions that run through a woman’s head the moment you– a trusted being– turns suddenly cold and indifferent after she’d been emotionally naked before you . . . heart and soul well-exposed, pains spilled out, with you there on the other end– a sounding board, a warm shoulder to cry on.  You tend to send the wrong message when you’re too warm and too caring.  Or is it the other person getting the wrong message?  Whichever,  you should know by now that something is not quite right with the way you’ve been handling vulnerable, depressed, and emotionally weak women.  You got a problem yourself.  Deal with it.

It’s cruel to leave anyone else stranded, the way you’ve been doing lately, however good your intentions are.  Set your boundaries beforehand to avoid situations getting out of hand.  Simply walking away and avoiding someone to keep away from romantic entanglement may be the easiest way for you but it is the hardest on the other part, leaving a dark cloud hovering above someone’s head as to what has gone awfully wrong.  It must be a masochistic trait with the human specie– to opt to face still what’s already expected and proven as the painful truth– but it does make a lot of difference when you really hear it directly from the person involved.  An emotionally unstable being may not see reason for a time but she’s not an imbecile as not to see the signs of rejection.  It is best still for you to speak up, give the reason, no need to explain yourself.

There’s a very thin line between pity and love.  You think you love the other person when in truth you just feel sorry for her.  You love her because she needs you.  On the other hand,  when you’re emotionally dependent on someone you eventually assume yourself in-love with him.  You love him because you need him.  Either which,  when the need wears off,  you outgrow the so-called love, too.  Not good enough reasons to love, that’s why.

If ever you intend to get into a tangled relationship . . . think, think, think, think, and think deep!  Let it be a relationship wherein you’d grow as an individual and not one that would impede your growth.  Don’t ever let yourself be a part of their problem.  You’re having trouble now with the sister when you said there’s not even an affair yet.  How much more if there really is?  It’s sheer stupidity if you do have an affair with her when it’s now just creating havoc in your life and theirs.

You don’t have to take care of everyone when it means depriving yourself of the happiness you rightfully deserve.  Teach them to take care of themselves.  You can share a wing but let ‘em make a use of their own wings, too.  Above all, you better learn to take care of your own self, sweetest angel.

Surviving is doing what you have to do.  Living is doing what you want to do.  Whereas, you had taught me to survive, MV had taught me to live.  I may be crazy to fall for him but am not stupid.  I just chose to live my life, and part of that life is taking risks . . . which am doing right now.  While I hope for the best, am open for the worst that may possibly come.  Though I don’t go through “emotional dissection”  with him the way I do with you,  am at peace.  We don’t dwell on problems.  Whatever time spent together, be it on the phone,  I don’t ruin it by showing the emotional wreck I am . . . I won’t allow him to see that side of me.  Sometimes we don’t need words to communicate our feelings, if you’re connected, you just know . . .

Abu. . .  abest,  ai j . . .

***It’s hard to believe it’s been 4 years since I’ve written this note.  Big, life-changing events had taken place since then.  Sheer coincidence to stumble upon this once again… A reminder?  Could be.  But no longer for ai J…

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008 at 4:08 pm Filed under Relationships and. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.