Leaving A Trail

I’m posting this journal entry again for  the soul crazier than I am.  I don’t want to give her a hard time digging into my old files, am making life easier for her.  Here goes, pretty Lianne!  Go crazy, girl! :-D    :-D   

“Be good.”  That would, most often than not, be the parting words of some people close to me.  To which I’d reply, “I’m always good!”  Not that I’m a menace nor I misbehave that I need to be reminded to be good.  They’re referring to the craziness.  I am crazy — good, heavenly crazy and bad, hellishly crazy.  The duality saves my sanity.  So when a friend tells me to be good, he meant for me to exercise the good crazy side of me.

Here’s a word-picture of good crazy…  It is when your significant other’s other woman bombarded you with nasty text messages and you shot back:  “I’m his playmate.  You’re his toy.  My eyes are widely open.  Yours are shut tight.  You may know the size of his penis.  I know the shape of his heart.  Just wait till the game with you is over…”  And in the end you’re right.

You’re good crazy when your insensitive slave-driver boss, who had been shortchanging you, is in the middle of a very long tirade and you –wearing a poker face, cut her off with:  “Are you done yet?  Here’s my resignation letter.  I expect my paycheck within seven days.”  She stopped in shock.  Then you casually walk away… off to the garden of better opportunities.

Bad crazy is one who feels hopeless, helpless, powerless, worthless, unloved, and unappreciated; wallowing  long and deep in it; letting the negative pull of energy drag him down to the lowest depths.  Wake up and get up!  Go crazy, man!

The two sides of craziness, good and bad, are both an essential part of humanness.  It’s being human and living fully, in much awareness of the bitter and sweet sides of life.  It’s as natural as the air we breathe. It’s a breath of fresh spring air in a stale environment of gloomy seriousness and dull uptightness.  Going crazy is finding humor in unpleasant situations and unlikely places; laughing at our own mistakes; forgiving our imperfect self.  It’s absolutely healthy being crazy.  It’s liberating.

I was  devastated and heartbroken when denied a US visa so I sent a message to my dear friend telling him how it happened.  I said, “The US Consul told me that cute earthlings are not allowed in the US!”  By painting that my cuteness poses a threat to National Security is ridiculous but it lightens the unpleasantness of the news.  It eases the frustration and loneliness by sharing it in a light mood –through banter.  That’s the good crazy part of me.  Good for the messenger and the recipient’s hearts.  Bad crazy when I whine excessively and bawl endlessly.  Moderation is just the key.  I do whine and bawl occasionally. 

You cannot control feelings as you cannot control me from being crazy. I cannot help feeling angry as I cannot help myself from feeling love.  What I can definitely control is my behavior despite feeling these awful feelings.  Whining and bawling are behaviors that come from feeling frustrated and hurt.  These are bad crazy actions I can control by switching to a more beneficial and constructive alternative… I’d choose belting a loud birthday song, though it’s nobody’s birthday, and while I’m at it I’d be beating the bottom of a stainless pan with a wooden spoon; head-banging and dancing to the fast beat of my music.  Trust me.  It sure is more fun when you have an audience of one, two or three cheering you on in the midst of calling you ‘crazy’ through their smiling faces and snorty laughs.

Spreading joy and laughter is a constructive behavior albeit springing from negative feelings.  While having fun giving fun you forget the unpleasant feeling that’s been replaced with a feeling of joy.  From being bad crazy you have the power to turn yourself good crazy.  Oh yes!  You’re powerful, silly!  That’s awesome!

The Italian Dr. Leo Buscaglia is one of the wonderful writers I adore.  People called him nuts when he started to teach Love Class in the University he taught at for many years.  The media labeled him the Love Doctor and Doctor Hug.  He was considered crazy for openly greeting complete strangers, and unashamedly hugging people.  He attributed his craziness partly to having a remarkable, crazy mother.  In his book, “Born For Love”, he mentioned his mom preparing an elaborate family feast right after the day his dad informed them of the bankruptcy and debts.  Asked by a furious husband if she had gone crazy, Leo’s mom simply stated that it was the perfect moment to celebrate.  That unforgettable feast was a time for joy for the whole family despite the misfortune.  A heavenly legacy of Leo’s extraordinary mom to her children.

A crazier friend, Gary, who loves Leo’s “Bus 9 To Paradise” led me to buy it… and three other of Leo’s books after that.  It’s addicting.  Leo’s books speak to me, assuring me I’m normal being crazy!  Especially so when he wrote, “There is a streak of madness in even the most sane among us and that if we don’t act upon this madness in the fanciful sense, we will surely go mad, in the classical sense.”  Oh, how I love this wonderful man!

Someone dear to me did not approve of my in-depth revelation of myself.  I was told I’m opening myself to the core; so revealing, bold and direct that she thought I shouldn’t be.  I don’t mind the criticism as I don’t mind being called a loony.  If I keep myself from being me I keep myself from creating.  I write from the deep recesses of my heart, touching every sinews. In one of those sinews, craziness lies.  Which I let out every so often.  Criticisms and craziness have benefits.  It encourages us to lead constructive lives.  It fires my senses up meeting people crazier than I am.  I become more alive with them.  Great source of inspiration.  With these kind of people you beam… you bloom.

Ideas unheard of, out-of-the-ordinary thoughts, uncommon approach, unconventional ways, unusual self-expressions — these are often met with raised eyebrows and open hostility; seen as oddities; label the instigators crazy, nuts, mad, loony, lunatic, insane.  Our ways, styles, behaviors are painting different pictures in every person’s eyes.  The view they see may or may not sit well on them.  We cannot please everyone.  It’s not our job to.  And we don’t force-feed them if they’re not hungry for what we have to offer.  Despite it all, we create.  We go crazy.  We bloom.

Look at the wild dandelions on a roadside.  They are blooming amidst the pollution, passing cars, and passersby.  To gardeners, dandelions are a menace.  Weeds.  To people like me, they are pretty flowers.  When asked how am I doing I’d say, “I’m good.  I’m good!”  I’m always good.  Today I’ve been kind to a dandelion.  Blowing dandelion seeds in the wind is a blast.  I just did that.  With one big blow, I set the seeds to sail in the wind with a silent message:  Go and proliferate!

The crazy ones survive.  And believe me, they thrive.

Responses to “THE ART OF LIVING CRAZY”

1. Gary Says:
   May 24th, 2008 at 7:31 pm rock and rolls!
2. Roberto Says:
   June 17th, 2008 at 11:58 pm I think I like you crazy :-)))

   Lydia