HEARTS SPEAK
When you seem to be fated to have confidences thrown at you, it’s very humbling… and sometimes overwhelming. There you are, doing your own crazy thing, and some souls just start to strip away their pretensions and bare their raw emotions and furiously beating heart… to you. It’s a gift! From their heart to yours. And you wonder, “What have I done to deserve this? I’m just being me — the crazy, flawed, imperfect me — why did they choose me?” Awww, shoot! Drop the act, you know you’re a lovable loony, silly! And you know when to squeal and when not to. 
A friend’s partner was ventilating, pouring out his pain. In the middle of his tirade, he made me promise not to tell on him. I said, “Don’t worry, my mouth’s sealed (I won’t talk)… pause… but my fingers aren’t (I can type an email;-). nya ha ha ha!” That got him, mind you — for a moment. And I know it loosened him up too. Now am writing about it? It happened ages ago. They patched up their differences. And they won’t be able to read this, they won’t have time to read my crazy thoughts because they’re too busy… being all over each other. :-D Hey, you two, quit the PDA! ;-D
Could my testosterone level be at its peak when a pretty woman’s personality blows me away? Okay, I admire a gal. Does that make me gay… ooops, I mean les? (yup! les — as in lesbian.) An old friend said, “yes”, I am les. I shook my head “no”, I am gay. Period. I can kiss any lady full in the lips and I’m still gay, not les. Whatever the difference between gay and lesbian that a dictionary gives, I don’t give a heck. I have my own vocabulary. If you see a wrong word in this post, it’s not wrong… I made up the word. ;-) You see, when you can’t find a name on something, you make it up! It’s akin to making a way when you can’t find a way out of a certain situation. I’m just playful with words as I am playful with my approach in life, in some instances. The main thing I don’t play about is anybody’s feelings, no matter how crazy I am, sweetie, count on that. “Les“, by the way, is the pretty critic’s word, and also Ah Ming’s (who called me “non-human” in the not-so-distant past).
Going back to being gay, there were three acquaintances who called me “bakla” — translation: gay. Recently came the beautiful-minded critic and joined the bakla-callers. It started with her reading my articles on TF Newsmag that gave her the feeling I’m weird. I could die a sweet death laughing at her messages. I’ve been labeled “weird” and “non-human” in the past. This soulful critic’s word is the latest, sweetest compliment… We belong in one rare, out-of-the-box, unconventional, out-of-the-ordinary, hard-to-crush, tough-nut-to-crack tribe. Scattered but profusely growing and thriving like the pretty but menacing dandelion. :-D The wind sure does carry craziness in all directions, the way it blows dandelion seeds to towering heights and unknown distances.
When you make your presence known — quietly, not loudly — you’re more likely to be heard. You wear nothing but your happy, grieving, playful, broken, joyful, bleeding,and grateful heart; thrown in together with unedited, silly human emotions; the courage to look like a fool, be taken for a stupid clown, and the hide of a rhinoceros to be kicked with acidic criticisms… These are probably just what it takes to be you — the lovable, unedited crazy you. You’ll be taken seriously by sane, soulful souls of so much substance… whom I’d rather have a few of them on my side than be surrounded by thousands and thousands of pretentious, shallow vauriens.
She’s shy so she’s nice — a common misconception as my mamu, the king of muliti (yep! muliti, not multi)-tasking, pointed out before. Aye! Aye! I can attest to that… He’s shy… he’s not entirely nice. :-D I was shy, I wasn’t completely nice. :-D :-D :-D Shy earthlings are normally silent… “Silent waters run deep,” somebody said. The depth you couldn’t usually fathom. Deep waters are calm… just like ducks — calm on the surface — but they paddle like the devil underneath. :-) When I keep silent and away from you, some creatures who don’t know me might assume am having a calm, peaceful time away. To those who know me, they’d think something’s a-brewing, craziness percolating in my usually-perky head.
On second thought, I may be a lesbian… because I am tougher than an average gal, and have more balls than a spineless guy. I am gay… because I am more shameless, playful and flirty than a typical lady. I’m a harmless flirt though, don’t you worry. 
For more matters of the heart, see you next blog post. ;) I gotta snooze!
Note from dictionary.com :
Usage Note: The word gay is now standard in its use to refer to people whose orientation is to the same sex, in large part because it is the term that most gay people prefer in referring to themselves. Gay is distinguished from homosexual
primarily by the emphasis it places on the cultural and social aspects of homosexuality as opposed to sexual practice. Many writers reserve gay for males, but the word is also used to refer to both sexes; when the intended meaning is not clear in the context, the phrase gay and lesbian may be used.
Comments:
really… are you?…gay/les whatever?
2008/12/04 at 12:29 PM
