Leaving A Trail

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing.  There’s a time for silence.  A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny.  And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.”   Reba Jean’s my bestfriend of twenty-six years… and she’s a great master in the art of timing. :-)  Okay, I haven’t been entirely loyal to her since I had other bestfriends in-between.  But she’s the very first bestfriend (as far as my ancient mind can recall ;-D) and she still is.  I’ve strayed but haven’t gone too far.  I always find Reba whenever I go back “home”.  Recently, I found a new soul-mate but had a fall-out with after a while… not too soon though not to have forged a deep connection.

As a kid, I went through a friendless stage before I became friends with the brainy of the class in fourth grade — Reba.  I realized why the friendless stage…  Being too insecure, I came on too strong to compensate — I bit everyone’s head off.  A quarrelsome li’l monkey was I that I alienated kids (and their siblings and parents;-)) whom I came in contact with :D :D  Calm, gentle, sweet Reba wasn’t deterred by the war — rior in me.

From being a war-freak in grade school, I graduated to being a withdrawn, shy teener.  I found new group of friends, Reba had her own group.  But she’s always been my “best”.  In our senior year, I vividly remember those crying spells, at the back of the school under the tree, while she was there trying her darnedest to soothe me.

Reba, once again, had seen beyond my anger in my previous blogpost.  Being the physician that she is (and my shrink :-D), she had seen the anger in me as a symptom — a way of cloaking feelings too awful to face — hurt.  It’s often the people we love the most who have the power to hurt us the deepest, who push our buttons the hardest.  When you’re annoyed, isn’t the first instinct be to kick up a fuss?  When you’re darn hurt, you either take the fight or flight response.  The anger-filled blogpost was my natural response — fight… and take off.  I know I had been too harsh, I’m a perfectly imperfect human.  Reba sees through me.

This note is 3 months old :

‘twas in 4th grade… now we’re nearing our 4th decade! 26 years of friendship — WOW! as rare as a unicorn.
you knew when you made the class prophecy, during our senior’s prom, what i’d like to be when we grow up… but i took a different course because my bestfriend’s takin’ it.
a couple of years ago, you reminded me of ‘that’ dream… here i am now, bestfriend, thanking you for your presence in my life. am living my dream (albeit not fully:-)).  though i’ve been climbing the steepest mountain and not see you beside me, i always knew you’re there, my ‘belayer’ — holding the rope tight for me whenever i lose my footing, and let it go again when i regain my balance. i am sooo blessed — i got you, dearest bestdocganda.
happy birthday and onwards, sweetrebz! i love you, thank you…

The note for Reba was posted on her profile page in August.  Reading today Chris’ blogpost “Memory Lane” confirmed what true friends, soul mates, and genuine connections really are… bonds unbroken.  You strongly feel each other’s presence despite the physical absence. And this is my open note to Chris:

I know you’re following my trail, I’ve seen your tracks.  You know am still on your trail… because you discovered before that I am as “OC” as you are.   I know you love me, and you know I love you… the sweet-dear-most-welcomed meddler, DJ, confirmed all that. :-D  DJ, being your friend, had me become distrustful of him.  Me being a stranger in your circle of trust, it was a risk for me to take his outstretched hand again.  He knew better.  I see him now with his hands thrown in the air, rolling his eyes, muttering, “I just turned my back and you two have engaged in a blog fight!  Crazy women!” :-D  He said I shouldn’t trust your angry words and he probably told you not to trust my angry words.  He knows… he had had his fair share of stinging from the both of us.  Poor soul!  He’d probably lose all his spiky hair when trapped in a room with two bull-headed females. 

I made up for the outburst, the blogs that followed were written in codes.  I know that my soul-mate read between the lines… because she bravely break through a barrier — my open hostility.  And we have our dear playful DJ to thank for. 

Oh yeah, I forgive the spicy comments on Chris’ blogs pertaining to me, sweetDJ. ;-)   I’m just too grateful for your meddling to pay attention to that li’l sting.

Wow!  I’m so high… triply high.  What with a stable belayer, a crazy soul-mate, and a playful, soulful meddler on your side?!  :-D  :-D 

Which hue are you?

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 2nd, 2008 at 11:13 pm Filed under Journey, Relationships and. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.