“Are you trying to make a story out of me?” — that’s just a kick in the teeth when you just revealed how much you think the world of a person. Since I’ve been accused of such, I might as well do that… so here I am at an ungodly hour of three in the morning, tapping away on my little machine which I’ve earlier intended to park for the time-being — my bestbuddy laptop (next to my camera) which I can always depend on when the whole human civilization’s back is on me. Oh well, I’ll talk to myself onscreen. ;-D
So this is what having a dose of your own medicine is. While in the past you doubt someone’s openness when you’re given the privilege of dissecting his mind and let himself become emotionally vulnerable to you, when he lay his open heart on the table for you to scrutinize on, when he took the risk of having his heart pulverized and his dreams swatted on like flies after stripping himself of all pretensions and baring his soul to you… you tell him, “Are you fishing?” Now you’re on that person’s shoe, brazenly expressing your wants and the recipient doubts your intentions and you’re thought to be only fishing for a story. So THIS is my bruised-heart story!
I feel it, I say it. I won’t keep mum because I’ve been doing that all my life until I realized I got a functioning, useful voice. You can shut your ears, eyes, mind, and heart to what I got to say. I give you my joyful (not much, anyway), love-filled heart, you can take it or leave it. The heck with it! At least I won’t die of hypertension from suppressing my darn emotions. Now I could snore away the rest of the morning before the sun breaks. Aaah, mad, mad world! Somebody’s gonna have a laughing fit or an attack of guilt or hypertension when he sees this. wth! 
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April 26th, 2009 at 12:40 am
There is no greater burden than bearing an untold story
April 27th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! I can still sense some suppression…. bare it all, girl!
April 28th, 2009 at 6:54 am
you sense it, eh? so we’re on the same wavelength, maia. now you’re “fishing” for more. ;-D but i aim for the heart-target only once, and if nothing comes out of it, i’ll move on… and lick my own wounds. ;-D ;-D
there are still things left unsaid. should the “target’s” heart, mind and soul’s open, i can bare all without much nudging and prodding. if not, i’ll shut my mouth but can’t promise to discipline my fingers to keep my thoughts from posting on the net when am not really listened to. ;-D
“There is no greater burden than bearing an untold story” — absolutely right, The Sage! the heavier the burden is when it has been untold for 2 decades… sort of. since our childhood, i carry a torch for my “target”. now it’s like aiming for a shooting star… seems more insurmountable today. i’d give it a rest, i guess… bury it again in my chest of memories. at least, it’s been told. i won’t look back again and kick myself and say, “darn, if only i told ‘em…” my heart’s at peace though my mind may not be for a while. everything passes. this, too, shall pass.
April 29th, 2009 at 2:19 am
Stop aiming for the shooting star if it only brings heartaches ’cause your peace of mind is only what I wish for…
April 29th, 2009 at 6:27 am
“stop aiming for the shooting star…” — that’s akin to saying “turn off your emotions and shut down your heart”. nope, that’s just impossible. not after what i’ve learned within the last 24-hours. i’ll stay in focus. am taking baby steps this time…
heartaches? it won’t kill me… i’d run to you to mend it! ;-D
am a warrior, bro. it’s a leap of faith i’m taking again.