When someone you do care for had an overdose of heart pills, it does rattle your brain and shake your confidence, bro… especially after you tried to talk him out of his funk. It makes you feel useless, helpless and restless. Not knowing how he’ll come out of it. Did I say the wrong thing? Did I extend my hand not far enough?
Though I still dream of my own death, I’m way past the “suicide stage”. Having a friend go through it now is like having myself stuck in a coffin holding my breath. Knowing the emotional pain he’s going through, I can’t blame him. It’s a familiar avenue to me but I always knew which less scary route to take when I feel trapped in the darkest alley. Suicide’s an off-course. A friend’s foot on that corner is a part-of-me’s death…
I grieve for those who suffer in silence. They drink their own tears and cower in a corner. They absorb life’s blows and let themselves wither. Only a few can hear their silent screams. The rest just look down their noses at these wounded souls. No wonder they’re into hiding. Mental illness is a sensitive issue. Too hot to handle. Too fragile to touch.
Having the balls to admit you’re mentally ill is one big step to a very long journey on the path to recovery. No, you definitely cannot do it on your own. You can block antidepressants, list off psychotherapy or brain synergy but just not me. Don’t cast me out. Don’t shut other caring souls out of your life.
Thinking it was my buddy who sent me the “spare-tire” text message after reading my “Shelved Thoughts“, I got in touch to assure him he wasn’t my subject. Obviously, he wasn’t the anonymous text sender either. It’s a neat time to catch up on each other, anyway… but the ensuing e-mail was disturbing. I hate to call it a suicide note. Please… prop yourself up, bro.
Flush the darn calcium channel blockers out of your system. You’re not supposed to die young. You’ll get a bum deal that way, man. I want a pal crazier than I am, yes, but not THIS effing craziness. It’s rattling my brain all right!
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on Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 at 6:33 am Filed under Journey, Psychology, Social Issues and tagged antidepressants, brain synergy, calcium channel blockers, depression, mental illness, psychotherapy, suicide.
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